I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
