I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
A bitchslap is in order.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
