Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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