i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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