is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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