It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
