kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
