I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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