people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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