I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
