just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
