why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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