i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
