so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
