How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
