I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
