i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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