some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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