winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
