We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
