just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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