You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
