U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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