allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
