shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
