What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
