Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
