Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
