My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
