dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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