the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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