I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
