Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
