just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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