her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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