I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
