in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
