Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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