i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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