Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
