She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize