I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
