This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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