just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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