This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
