Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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