Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
sex in a hospital.. check
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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