I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Of course I have a pirate flag
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
