Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
