Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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