I'm passing your future prison.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
