i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
