Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
