No awkward lesbian experiences without me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize