Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
