Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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