We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
