I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
