All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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