i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Acid is not a monday night drug
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
