Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
