From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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