Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
