i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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