tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
