dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This baby is an asshole
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
