My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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