So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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