i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
