You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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