I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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