Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
