forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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