For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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