im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
