how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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