Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Too much gin, very little bucket
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
