Do you still have your period?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
