i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
