ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize