You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think my vagina is haunted
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Alive.
So much puke
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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