it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
