I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
