Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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