We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
