is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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