Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
