I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
