i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
