youre lurking in front of me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
