***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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