The maid of honor just puked.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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