I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
