3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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