ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
