you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
